You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
