Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
Randomize
