Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
It's that time of night again when I start to think I'm really funny, but no one else is as drunk as I am so they all start avoiding me.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
