I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Well his arms broken so they only cuffed his good wrist to his belt. That's how he cast smacked me in custody.
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
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