..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
