she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
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