Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
