just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
I was busy. But now I'm about to consume alcohol and chicken. We shall see where this takes us. Maybe to the moon, maybe to the floor. I have no idea.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I touched a dick in church today
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
