cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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