i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize