I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
