i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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