went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
preface to our conversation: my vagina hurts.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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