I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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