I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
i came on her dog
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
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