i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
Randomize
