If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Why were u walkin around mc with a toilet bowl lid handcuffed to u and carrying a stuffed Teddy bear last night?
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
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