Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
this study room smells like vodka
the study room thinks the same about you
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Randomize
