why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
