Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
