she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Randomize
