marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
