You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
we both turned hook ups into relationships we are crushing this thing called life right now.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
