Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
my being single is dangerous.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
