Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
