I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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