Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
