i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
