I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
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