I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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