i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
You need to fuck him. The man has his own Wikipedia.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Randomize
