I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
