You think ghandi was good in the sack? cuz i sure do.
I'm not gay.
Soooo you want ghandi? is that what your telling me?
If ghandi gives good head...I'm in
Its fine.
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
