i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
