At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
only if we run a train.
done.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
It looks like I colored my belly button red at some point
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
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