Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
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