You just made me feel so damn special
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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