I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I DID MY EXPERIMENTING. FOUR YEARS OF IT. IN HIGH SCHOOL.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
