so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
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