Well douche your snatch and let's go!
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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