Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
Randomize
