is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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