I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
Randomize
