Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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