There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
