I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
