Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
