I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
vagina is talking i cant
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just crashed on my couch and have no intention of ever getting up again
I will be over with a bedpan and beer
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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