Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
