is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
i just renamed my vag "the sorting hat"
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
