Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
You know how I got mad at him for making out with his formal date? Apparently I fucked mine. I'm guessing any exclusivity is out of the question.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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